Thursday, August 18, 2011
I am a firm believer in cutting toxic people and relationships out of your life.
I've done it more times than I can count because I learned at an early age that not everyone BELONGS OR DESERVES to be a part of your life.
Consider this. If you had a tumour you would remove it, yes?
So why keep someone or something in your life that continually brings negative energy to it? Why hand someone that power? Why allow anyone or anything to contribute drama or sadness or grief when there are enough times in your life you will have to deal with REAL grief or sadness?
A few years back I made the decision to remove my mom from my life completely. It was something I should have done years sooner but it took a lot of healing on my part to become strong enough to do it. It was only when I had Lola that I realized the type of influence I wanted in my daughter's life and I made the decision to fully cut ties with my mom. I had already kept Oz away from her but it never really hit me how toxic she was until my littlest soul came into my life.
I love my mom, I do, but she is toxic and will never change. She is also very weak and that isn't something I tolerate nor do I want my daughter seeing that type of female influence because my daughter will never grow up the way I did; surrounded by toxic people.
There have also been times that I have removed friends from my life and other times when I have been cut out of someone's life because I was toxic (I'm not perfect, I know that but when I'm good, I'm fuckin' awesome!).
I have a friend (of a friend of a friend of a friend) who is strong, smart and extremely passionate about what she does for a living BUT she constantly allows her so-called BFF (and even some family members) to contribute negativity to her life.
I can't wrap my teensy brain around that concept and have TOLD her multiple times to grow a backbone and stop taking their shit but for years she has continued to
make excuses tell me that her BFF had a tough life and doesn't know how her actions affect others and that she has good qualities and blah fuckin' blah blah blah!
I've seen my girlfriend cry over some shit this supposed BFF has said to her, I've had loooooong text conversations with her, consoling her after this BFF had screaming fit on the phone with her... I've seen a lot and it makes me not only wanna go all inner-city Scorpio on that girl's ass but it frustrates me that my girlfriend ALLOWS herself to be treated that way.
Why is that?
And when is enough, enough?
What does it take for you to realize YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. It's not something that only the "beautiful" people deserve, it's something YOU deserve right now; not tomorrow, not when you lost 40 pounds, not when someone else SAYS you deserve it but RIGHT NOW!
And if that means ending a friendship with someone who constantly reminds you that your house is always messy or that "you really should do something about your hair" or makes snide comments about your life in any way that makes YOU feel bad, then consider the tumour. Is it life-threatening or is it malign? Is it something you want to take a chance that will spread and get worse and years from now all of the negative comments and toxic energy has built up so badly that you end up cutting them out of your life anyway?
Not everyone who comes into your life has to stay there forever. If that were the case you and your kindergarten BFF would still be friends.
And like my good friend Stephen King says, "People come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."
And that's OK.